What's Next?

You all know I am an avid arbiter of positive writing, but I simply must explain the debacle of an evening last night that was the Next Awards.

The awards are an annual event (this being the second) held at Cro Bar and the awards presented are for odd ball things like "Best Plastic Surgery", "Biggest Media Whore", etc.

I was looking forward to it and got all dolled up as did my roommate's and neighbor, 'up for anything good times gal’, Lucy.

First off we waited 45 minutes in line to get in. We were VIP and the normal line got in before us! Apparently they were doing 'Red Carpet' pictures so that is why it took longer.

Once we entered the ‘pots and pans’ music was banging and I instantly felt like it was midnight. We swerved about until we got upstairs to the VIP lounge. The bar downstairs was empty but the line at the VIP bar was a mile long. It certainly didn’t pay to be VIP this evening. Then we were appalled to find sushi platters lurking in dark corners all around. Mmmm... warm sushi at a club! Nothin' tastes better.

We headed back downstairs and ran into our favorite Trace editor, Darren Kinoshta and his hot new BF, Monsieur Moustache. While chatting with Steven Knoll and Shania Rendzvous we saw a small explosion at a nearby table. Turns out girlfriend’s hair done gone up in flames. Luckily it was just some real girls pony tail and not some trannies expensive lace front. That would have been just tragic but it turned out to be the highlight of the night.

So with the smell of burning hair seeping through the crowd, Lucy and I head towards the dance floor to find *Harry* and Daniel Nardicio. Harry looked AMAZING! The hair, makeup and dress were a total A+. She was sun kissed and fresh from St. Martin so her glow was divine.

We were all getting really excited about the event. Word on the street was that Wendy Williams was to host and everyone was in a tizzy. The performers started pouring in and we were all eager to see a real top drawer performance.
Don’t hold your breath.

The opening was pretty amusing; with all the girls singing ‘Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend’. Rainblo looked smashing in a platinum wig, Dirty Martini shimmied about with Murray Hill and Shania did a full split at the finale. Peppermint Gummybear ended the song prancing on stage and giving RuPaul circa 1994 in a huge black lace ruffled cape and honey blond tight curled wig.

She ended up hosting with no mention of Wendy. Luckily she had enough wigs and wit to do a fantastic job.

The presentations were weak and half the people honored were not even there to accept the prizes. LAME. They even announced Keith Michael as a presenter and he was nowhere to be found. I love Kevin Aviance but I couldn’t understand a word he said when accepting his award. I think I heard ‘sister’ and ‘children’ a couple of times.

The oddest part was when they gave an award to their own EIC. But by that time half the crowd had left and nobody was really paying attention anyways. The only perk to VIP was the free booze all night long so we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves in the end and caught up with some long lost gays.

I've always been a huge Next fan, so please boys, keep to the gossip and club calendar and stay away from the awards or you will end up getting nominated for one thing, a lemon.